Nirvana & Grunge

I think the best time 20th century ever had in music was the 90’s. Of course, this is questionable as each generation will be of absolutely different opinion. But for me, all my emotions are embodied in this decade of grunge, metal, and shitty pop.

My favorite band of all time? Well, there is so much good music but if I may say – Nirvana – Smells like teen spirit from the album Nevermind.

Off-fucking-course! I know it seems such a cliche nowadays as this song is the most popular from the album (and I love all of the songs from this album and In Utero as well as Bleach) but it still sounds so heavy, hearty, soulful, miserable and just soooo good to mosh to. You need to hear it loud tho! I mean really LOUD!

Part of me was destroyed when I heard the shocking news of Kurt blowing his brains out with the shotgun back in 1994. It’s been 23 years now. Fucking holy god of grunge. You died with him. All the other grunge bands that were left behind kind of left the scene and moved on.

But you left something behind. Grunge may be dead in a general sense. But not in my heart. Fuck you society. I’m wearing Doc’s with my tutu tomorrow.

Limbo

It’s been tricky few days..

I feel tired, exhausted from all the interviews, from constantly trying to stay positive, fight, and ultimately, from not succeeding.

I can do all these jobs, I can do anything I put my mind to. But the world of selling oneself doesn’t work in my favor. I’m not selling myself like a lot of people are. People who are doing amazing jobs at bullshitting their way through life. You have to be certain mold, certain color (and I don’t mean race now) and certain flavor. I’m totally out of this world by the look of it.

But if that is the case, tell me. If I’m not what you expect, doesn’t that make you too picky? Doesn’t that make you look for another Jane or Joe that already exists at your company? Because I don’t fit that profile?

I’m upset. And don’t try to tell me to get my shit together and really stand up and rise to it, and keep at it. I’ve fallen in love with jobs and companies more than once in the last 4 months, it has been an emotional rollercoaster which is morphing itself into a gluey, smelly and dirty downward spiral that just screams disappointment. Imagine yourself to fall in love with something so many times in such a short space of time..

Recruiters

This is just a personal opinion from my own experience, a personal observation of the interesting service some recruiters provide. Off course, I’m not the client and I don’t pay for their services but this shouldn’t stop them from treating everyone equally.

Like I mentioned in a previous post “I’ve decided to change my career“. I honestly think that this statement alone is scaring some of the recruiters away before I’m even able to elaborate on this. But truth to be said, I’ve been lucky enough to be able to explain my situation to most, I’ve even had a skype call with 1 or 2 and met a handful of them. Yes, meeting recruiters from agencies has become a serious problem. Not for me, but for them. I think I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve suggested I’ll come and meet them in person and they just shy away from the idea or don’t ever follow up on it.

Nevermind, water under the bridge.

I’ve gone for a job with a previously mention company. I really wanted that job. Oh, I loved it, I loved people, I felt like I belonged just by attending the interviews. It felt like it was meant to be. After my 1st interview I was under the impression there was 1 other person. But he/she was seen as too corporate. After chasing the recruiter for a 2nd interview date I finally got one, 2 weeks later with only 2 days to prepare. No problem. This is my job at the moment -Spend time preparing for interviews and I make sure I give it a due diligence. After chasing the recruiter again 2 days later for initial feedback she finally got back to me on a day 3. Via email with the below:

I am really sorry but unfortunately [said company] won’t be offering you the job. Feedback below.

We all really liked Romi and thought she was also a strong candidate. She is very personable and has a lot of potential however we feel she would require more development than X who was able to fully engage with the specifics of our business and who we believe has the confidence and the experience to hit the ground running. It is unfortunate that we do not have 2 positions available.

I am free this afternoon to talk through and discuss although the feedback is still very good. I will keep looking for you and let you know of anything else.

Speak later and I hope you are ok?

Off-course I wasn’t OK. I cried my eyes out. How could have this happened? I was heartbroken. That was 3 weeks ago.

Just to add salt to injury – last night I’ve come across a recommendation on LinkedIn from X to the said recruiter, 2 days after I found out the bad news, stating the following:

[The Said Recruiter] is the best recruitment consultant I have ever worked with. She worked with me to secure a great role with a company I really wanted to work for. She was attentive, diligent and worked really hard in my favour. Even when something didn’t go to plan and an issue occurred, [The Said Recruiter] sorted it out with professionalism and tact. I would highly recommend[The Said Recruiter] & [The Said Recruiter Firm] in finding your next role.

What the hell does that mean?? Why didn’t she work hard in my favor? What have I done to her? And what was the issue X is talking about? Does it have anything to do with me?

And as far as I am concerned I was the only person she was putting forward for this job.

I’ve had less than a handful of recruiters who put me forward for other jobs when I didn’t get through the first one. In fact, it was the same [The Said Recruiter] who put me forward for another role.

On the same day!

And her email started:

Hi Romi,

Hope you are having a lovely Tuesday?

No, as a matter of fact – I’m still very upset about not getting the job at [said company]..

And it ended with:

If you have now found a new job or are no longer looking, please let us know.

At this point, I’ve lost the hope to live and gave up on the search that day.

Meditation and early mornings

I’ve been meditating now almost 4 months. Observations so far are that it calms me down, kind of gives me a different perspective on things ahead. It gets rid of my anxiety and really seriously helps with the whole job hunting ups & downs. So far I’ve been doing this only 3-4 times a week but I think to truly benefit you need to find some time every day and ideally every day at the same time. Make it part of your routine.

So I think I’ll make it part of my morning routine. My mind should be fairly clean and uncorrupted with the day stuff. In fact, I think this is the perfect time for meditation.

As soon as I’m over with this nasty cough and cold, and get the annoying hay fever under control, I’m going to get back to getting up at 5am. All great people get up at 5am, apparently. I think it was Arnold Schwarzenegger on Tim Ferriss’ podcast who talked about it. He was so right, too. I’ve already done it last year and I must admit by the time the rest of the house wakes up it feels like you’ve already done half a day work, and spend some time on yourself. I woke up at 5am, spend 10 minutes getting a drink and generally wake up, then yoga and shower. It was invigorating.

So the plan for this year is to get up in the morning, work on my abs, practice some yoga and meditate, followed by rest of the usual morning routine.

Friday feeling & Yoga

Despite me not working at the moment, I’m still enjoying the Friday feeling. And today is a special day, we are going to Brighton for the day and evening, to see a film, then eat steak and see Shobaleader One at Concord2. Here is their recording from the Boiler room from yesterday, sounds fun!

Would like to post a quick update on job hunting. I have agreed to start with Deckchair.com from Monday. I need to set up myself as my own company but we are good to go from Monday. I love what they do. They provide high-quality webcams in all kinds of locations around the world which helps the hotels and towns to showcase the beauty of their city’s / resorts. Some of the images are truly awesome. And my job will be going through all the pictures and posting them on social networks. Fun!

I’ve also received an amazing call yesterday. After 3 months pursuing recruitment manager for an interview with Rakuten Marketing, I’ve finally managed to get through. And not via the recruiter either.. More on this to follow in a due course. But this was such a soul soothing occurrence, it has lifted all my spirits up yesterday.

I also enjoy practicing yoga. I would absolutely love to become a teacher one day with my own studio. At the moment I try to practice 3 times a week although would really prefer practicing every day. I use Yogaia platform to practice with. You can either join a live class with your camera on, or just chose a recorded session of your liking. The variety of classes at your level is immense. And I must say some of the teachers are true gems. For example Maxine Barratt, she explains the moves really well and you can tell she is really passionate about what she does.

Yogaia is also great platform supporting charities and right now until the end of March they are donating £1  from each live-attended class to Help Refugees via their #chooselove campaign. I usually chose recorded classes but on Wednesday I joined my 1st live class with Shanine Collinson (who is another one of my favorite teachers).

 

I usually indulge in a lovely warm cup of 100% Matcha (that I get from Amazon) and 20 minutes meditation afterward. It is definitely an uplifting experience and I thoroughly recommend it.

Have a lovely start of the weekend all 🙂